Grand Theft Autoerotica

Sen. Hillary Clinton, ex-President Bill Clinton's husband (zing), is speaking out against the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Apparently, there's some secret mini-game where you actually control the main character during sexual intercourse. You press up and down to get going, another button switches positions, etc. The main goal is to get your partner off. What's so bad about that? Unbeknownst to most people, there have been far worse things hidden in some of the most popular video games. Here's a few of my favorite games and their dark secrets:

-Pac-Man: Secret bonus level in which Pac-Man forcibly rapes Ms. Pac-Man. Also, it is revealed in level 249 that Pac-Man is actually an African-American and that the ghosts are KKK members.

-Super Mario Bros.: Bonus round shows the Princess in the middle of a "Plumber Sandwich" Mario and Luigi utter phrases such as "Do you like this Italian sausage, you slut?"

-Donkey Kong: Bonus round is the same as in Super Mario Bros., except there's one plumber, and one 800 lb. gorilla.

-The Legend of Zelda: Entering a secret code allows Link to sell himself to local merchants in exchange for weapons & armor.

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Cut-scene in the final level shows Splinter molesting Pre-Teen Mutant Ninja Turtles.

-Rad Racer: Ending reveals that you we're running drugs for the Cuban mafia.

-Pong: Upon finishing level 999, 37-minutes of hardcore pornography starring John Holmes appears on screen.